This Is News! (part one)

Times are hard, that's for damn sure, but that doesn't mean you can't make sound investment decisions. For instance, I've been putting money in bomb shelters, rafts, canned peas and Mohawk hairdos to prepare for the inevitable apocalypse (and post-apocalypse) we all know is going to happen on December 21st, 2012... wait, you don't know about the ancient Mayan apocalypse? Apparently neither did CNN, cause it's news!

And then they have the nerve to fight the theory with facts!!!(:)

"There is no serious scholar who puts any stock in the idea that the Maya said anything meaningful about 2012." Said David Stuart, director of the Mesoamerica Center at the University of Texas at Austin, who I'm sure was dressed in tweed, smoking pipe tobacco and listening to a giant old fashioned gramophone. Get your science out of my face, it's time that America got it's facts about the Mayan apocalypse from someone that really matters and that has always cared. Like The Day After Tomorrow director Roland Emmerich.

Yes if there's a world ending disaster movie to be made, Roland Emmerich will be there on the front lines with naught but a camera and 10.6 million dollars of special effects in hand. And that's what he plans to do with his new disaster flick 2012. He will tell the tale! He's the man for the job. After all, he earned the name "Honest Emmerich" after his truthful depictions of a globe fraught with warming (or freezing, or something).

Thank God for Hollywood.

So fuck you CNN. You see what happens when you try to go up against ancient Mayan, world ending predictions? You get schooled!