Come to Cleveland and See the River That's On Fire

This video was purportedly made for the Cleveland tourism board in a hasty fashion. At least that's the premise, anyway. It's really just some hilarious guy on YouTube. Can you believe that?! Go figure! Wharf!

I know it has nothing to do with the Eric Fensler challenge, but someone's got to post shit to the blog. Step it up, Cock Knockiltree.

This blog will never end

Nathan - worry not. I've got another challenge. Spotlight on an artist: Eric Fensler. Eric Fensler writes for Tim & Eric, and did those awesome GI Joe PSAs that flew around the net years ago. Find another awesome Fensler clip to post:

Holy Shit...

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit....

Dude I think that's it. That might be the end of this blog. Seriously The Apple fucks Gymkata in the ass and brakes Bravestarr's teeth down it's throat. Could we have finally found the best trailer on earth?

Let's break it down. In ultra-future of 1994, two kids try to get into the music industry and meet Satan or something? Dude sign me up.

Needless to say, my brother and I will be putting together screenings across the country of the Apple as soon as we can procure it. Please look for us in your local community centers, elk lodges and nursing homes. This movie's glory will not go malnourished and un-viewed.

Nathan, You Cannot Beat "The Apple"

I found this on whythatsdelightful, and I'm afraid that there's little you can do to beat this trailer, Nathan. A pity, really. *Pets cat, grins toothily*

Kayne West, South Park

I gotta start watching South Park again.


Kayne apparently liked it, according to this review he wrote on his blog in ALL CAPS. Now I know who's been sending me that nearly intelligible spam mail.

I Have Found the Worst Queen Song Ever Written

Queen actually did this. They could have had Freddy Mercury just breeze through another great song, but they let some other guy write and sing one. These lyrics speak for themselves:

The machine of a dream
Such a clean machine
With the pistons a pumpin
And the hub caps all gleam

When Im holdin your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When my hands on your grease gun
Oh its like a disease son

Im in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar
Such a thrill when your radials squeal

Told my girl Ill have to forget her
Rather buy me a new carburetor
So she made tracks sayin
This is the end now
Cars dont talk back
Theyre just four wheeled friends now

When Im holdin your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When Im cruisin in overdrive
Dont have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive

Im in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
Im in love with my car
String back gloves in my automolove

Jesus, guys. C'mon.

Did I Just See That?

Can someone please watch this video and tell me if I saw the thing that I thought I saw? When you get to the part with the thing I think I saw, you'll know it. Most likely because you'll think you saw the thing I thought I saw when you see it.

EMBED-Dr Shine Is Gods Top Gun - Watch more free videos

KISS Shreads (and 'shrings')

This one takes a while to get started, but give it a chance, Nave. I know you hip Brooklynites are quick to judge.

The My New Orange Shirt Show

My buddy and sometimes writing partner Adam Mutterperl whipped this up. I think the name's hilarious enough on its own, but he added another spin on it that makes it especially brilliant. I think it's something that is going to play really well with our audience (i.e. Nathan).

For Andy...

April Fools

Bitch please. I knew about that lil' John mashup for a good long time. You think I only post new stuff? Bitch please(er). Here's something new - it's Qualcomm's april fools joke. I barely knew who they were or what they did, but now I do. They're those guys that made that funny April Fool's video.

Time To Hunkercise Bitch!

Oh, did you just discover that little john mash up in LA? I saw that months ago- get with it it mutherfucker. Here's something you folks across the country will discover in a about three months no doubt.

You're Going to Need a Shower After This One, Nave

This is Genius!!!

So this is not really a response to our previous battle, Ochiltree, but it was too good to not post about. Here's Santana at his best with a stunning jam out performance!

Retort, retart

What the hell is that trailer you posted about anyway? I mean, I can tell that it has ninjas with gardening/tunneling skills and a leader who's had at least a year of junior high school band, but I don't know what they do except jump kick inanimate objects and teleport. Are the spiders their rivals? Or a thinly veiled metaphor for man's fear of the unknown? Jewish, maybe? Just to show you I'm not all about ninjas, here's a little something:



And karate/ninja-ness aside, I found this and it's too great not to post:



He's a finely tuned killing machine, provided there's a pummel horse or parallel bars within reach.

S'not Bad...

You had to bring in Ninjas? That's sooooooo '07. S0 this response might not seem great, but it might take some of your edge off 'ochiltree' (what kind of name is that anyway?). This is especially good if you hate these things: ice, shingles, forest tigers. But especially effective if you like these things: Drawn out boring voice overs, awersome whistles and (ugh) ninjas. Please enjoy. 

Booyakasha

Round 2

Consider this trailer for "Lethal Ninja" a warning shot, Nave. It's good enough to get things started, but I think we can do much better. GO!

Well played, Nave. Here's that white flag you asked for.

After an hour of searching on YouTube, I realized that there is nothing I can find in the known video that could possibly compete with this:

And so, it's with a heavy heart that I offer my congratulations, and all semblance of manhood, over to my brother. May his loins forever burn from the fire of this victory. ADDENDUM: The best competition I could find was another Bravestarr clip, this one from the Bravestarr movie. Yes, there was a movie. And yes, it looks like it was total shit.



JUST HOW IN THE HELL DOES THE MOON WORK IN NEW TEXAS???

Riposite(sp?)- Brave Starr

You had to go right for my jugular by whipping out Borgnine(sp?) didn't you!? You know how much I love cabby. However, I think this one might have you beat. I'm stuck between elaborating on how much this video takes you out and not giving too much away so that you can experience it for yourself. So to keep this brief, I'm forced to leave you with only these key points:

- spoken, poetic intro with a melodic motif floating in and out.

- a futuristic planet by the name of 'New Texas'.

- Sweet Native American main character beating up deathly pale looking fellows.

-Animatronic animal menagerie

enjoy

Counter Parry, Strike: AIRWOLF

You've unleashed the beast, Nave. In this intro to the magnificent 80s helicopter drama 'Airwolf' (also known as "Knight Rider in the Sky"), we get ______ ingredients that make a wonderfully ironic bouillabaisse.

• A thumbing synth track
  
• Explosions, explosions, explosions
  
• Ernest Borgnine

What are you waiting for? ERNEST BORGNINE. Go go go!



Bonus Borgnine!

The 16-bit Zelda II sequel that never was

Hey, Nintendo. Ya, you! With the giant pile of money. If you had any balls, you'd pay Joakim Sandberg to make a full game out of his brilliant 16-bit arcade tribute to your award winning but stale tasting Zelda series. But you know what? You don't. That's right. And you can tell that plumber of your that I got his warp whistle right here. Toodle doo, homo-tards. (points aggressively and scowls)

Video below, download here.

This Is News! (part one)

Times are hard, that's for damn sure, but that doesn't mean you can't make sound investment decisions. For instance, I've been putting money in bomb shelters, rafts, canned peas and Mohawk hairdos to prepare for the inevitable apocalypse (and post-apocalypse) we all know is going to happen on December 21st, 2012... wait, you don't know about the ancient Mayan apocalypse? Apparently neither did CNN, cause it's news!

And then they have the nerve to fight the theory with facts!!!(:)

"There is no serious scholar who puts any stock in the idea that the Maya said anything meaningful about 2012." Said David Stuart, director of the Mesoamerica Center at the University of Texas at Austin, who I'm sure was dressed in tweed, smoking pipe tobacco and listening to a giant old fashioned gramophone. Get your science out of my face, it's time that America got it's facts about the Mayan apocalypse from someone that really matters and that has always cared. Like The Day After Tomorrow director Roland Emmerich.

Yes if there's a world ending disaster movie to be made, Roland Emmerich will be there on the front lines with naught but a camera and 10.6 million dollars of special effects in hand. And that's what he plans to do with his new disaster flick 2012. He will tell the tale! He's the man for the job. After all, he earned the name "Honest Emmerich" after his truthful depictions of a globe fraught with warming (or freezing, or something).

Thank God for Hollywood.

So fuck you CNN. You see what happens when you try to go up against ancient Mayan, world ending predictions? You get schooled!

That XTC Video Was Cool, But...

Here's a video that kicks ass (not to start another 'here are video clips from the 80s battle). Yes, the old classic Devo. They're the only band that was so post-modernly uncool that they were the coolest. Enjoy.

The Battle Continues- Parry: Dino Riders

The intro I've posted below does not boast the sweet sort of songs that you've come to experience in the posts of the past, but I would like to point out that it does have space, dinosaurs and lasers. Bingo bango.

Holy Crap Report: SNL Actually Good This Week

Couple sketches near the beginning of this week's SNL really surprised me. The first one here knocks it out of the park - great concept, great writing and great execution. THe second one is just a brilliant concept that peters out in the last minute. Still worth a view.

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Bonus: Rosaria Dawson's magnificent breasts!

Upping the ante: ROCK LORDS!

While I appreciate Bionic 6's family values and actual use of MULTIPLE LYRICS, I'm calling you out for Bionic 6's lack of dinosaucers, flying saucers, or some kind of combination of these two things. You've summoned the fury, Nave, and I rain it down upon thee in the form of The Rock Lords. They're like Transformers, but . . . well, you'll see. Steel yourself for the crushing blow!

What's Been in my Head for 3 Days

I heard this XTC song on the (sadly defunct) Indie 103.1 on Wednesday night, and it's still bouncing around my cranium. When I was a kid would play XTC and I thought they were completely lame. What a retard, right? This stuff is great. A sign that I'm getting older? Or just smarter? Enjoy.

Tim and Eric Awesome Show!- Tour

Tim and Eric of the best sketch comedy show that's on television now-a-days are taking their eclectic act on the road this month and you should go see it. If you don't know about the show, it's a hilarious endevour where the jokes come across as much in the editing as they do in the punchlines. Notable appearances last year were by James Quall, Richard Dunn, Bob Odenkirk to name a few. This year they've decided to go with more dates and bigger venues. To see if they're coming to a town near you, check here. I just got my ticket today and am ready and raring to fucking go at the end of this month.

I'll take your Dinosaucers and raise you the Bionic Six

I don't know who did this theme song, but I want them inside of me... oh shit did I just post that on the internet?

Dino-saucers: Saucers that are also Dinosaurs

I love the premise - so simple yet so limitless. I love that these Dinosaucers' primary power is turning into dinosaurs. I love the hover whatsamajigs. But most of all, I love the fact that the lyrics in their theme song consist wholly of "Dinosaucers".

Bonus points for the bumbling henchman at 0:31!

Kotaku = Hilarious

Sony unveiled the box art for their 10th aniversary edition of Everquest- that's right it's been ten long years- next to this awkward looking elven princess. You know what, though? The sony representative next to her doesn't look much more enthused. He get nervous around elven princesses. There've already been a few hilarious observations. Here's the Kotaku article for what they had to say.

Ghostbusters finally gets a release date!

After changing publishers and apparent failure before it started, a release date has finally been announced for the Ghostbusters video game. The week of June 16th 2009 according to Joystiq. This is actually to coincide with the release of the original blockbuster on blu-ray. Action packed week I might say. I'll be the first in line to gather at least one of those things, that's fo-shizzle. Eat your heart out Sierra, you fucked up!

The Nuclear Holocaust Is Upon Us!

Ever been wandering around an apocalyptic wasteland and say, "Hey I really wish I had a Pip-Boy"? Well now you can! According to Joystiq.com, the Universal Display Corporation showed this Pip-Boy-esque wrist device for soldiers at the Consumer Electronic's Show in Las Vegas. They speculate that the nuclear apocalypse is right around the corner. I deduce they might be on to something...


What's a matter? Tired of hearing about Fallout? 

Fallout 3 DLC: Cream in Jeans 2.0

I wanted to make the title "F3 DLC: CJ 2.0", but found out that Roland Emmerich has a copyright on every acronym ever conceived.  Plus, the 2.0 thing is a little played out.  Everyone knows "Part Deux" is where it's at. 

Moving on: More Fallout 3 DLC shots!  Not much, but they're all froth worthy, to be sure.  The 'ninja' armor, in particular, seems to have spazoids boned all across the interweb.  I agree, it looks nice, but if it can't match my combat armor for defense and the tightly woven black mesh makes my penis sweaty, well then good by ninja armor.  Functionality over form, kiddos.  

Enjoy, thanks to Kotaku.

RIP EGM

In case you didn't know, Electronics Gaming Monthly, America's renowned gaming rag is officially no more. As posted by Adultolescence's own Andy "Shabazz" Ochiltree, Ziff-Davis Media and Publishing, EGM's publisher, filed for bankruptcy in 2008 and had closed down it's PC Gamer magazine in November. Wellllll, it's official now our beloved EGM has finally been shut down, though the Internet offshoot, 1up.com was bought up by another major media giant- the Hearst Corporation. Here's me earlier today-. That magazine was the only reason I could put up with air travel, I don't know what I'm going to do now. As other Ochiltree can attest to, we've been reading that magazine since we were kids, it was like our estranged step dad that was only home once a month. I'll reiterate the Vanderbeek photo, but just so you know how much I'm hurting.



Oh, if you want actual details, try here

Gears patch.

So we haven't posted in a while? What do you want, it was the holidays. Here's a story that didn't make it onto the other website I wrote for because someone had written it the exact same time as me... Alright some real content is sure to come later but enjoy this tasty nugget whilst you wait.

Gears of War 2 fans (all of us), rejoice! It looks like Epic plans to get a patch out for the game later this month, so sayeth Mark Rein. Epic's vice prez posted on the Gears forum this morning, promising to fix some of the problems that have plagued the multiplayer mode and add a few extra goodies.

Cheap-ass players beware; it looks like this patch is geared to you. "We're fixing a whole bunch of online exploits." writes Rein, "For example we've fixed the ability to wield an invisible shield, melee through some walls, gain infinite Lancer ammo and equip a shield and a two-handed weapon simultaneously plus many more." The patch will address other issues for on-line players such as spawn protection and a bigger penalty for leaving an unfinished match. Oh and the shotgun is being addressed, too: " We fixed the client side hit detection on the shotgun so that in a high-latency (i.e. "laggy") match, the shotgun will be more reliable."

Also promised were a slew of new achievements for the DLC. Here's the post.